Today was a difficult day for me because  it was the year and a half anniversary of my husband’s death.

I think of him every day and miss him all the time.

I miss holding his hand when we would drive somewhere. I miss watching TV with him, enjoying our dog, planning trips and days out, going to the movies, playing cards with friends,kissing him and hugging him, and all of the hundreds of little things that make up a relationship.

I wish I could see him just one more time. I wish I could tell him once again that I love him, and that I am happy that we had so many years together.

But that is not to be…his life here on earth ended too soon.

We spent over 40 years together. It wasn’t always easy. In fact, there were many times when I wondered if we would make it. But I am glad that we did. We built a life together, helped one another through the roiling waters of change and dissension, raised a lovely and successful daughter,  and grieved together.

Dan and I were quite compatible. We enjoyed similar activities–going to the beach, the aforementioned movies, and visiting with family and friends. He was my chief cheerleader–the guy who was always on my side and encouraged me. We had an equal relationship–no one was in “charge” of the other person–we both had breathing room.

I shed some tears today. Tears of loss, regret, and anger.

There will be many more days like this, I know.

And as I was told in the Grief Support Group I attended, “You can’t go over it, you can’t go under it, you can’t go around it. You must go through grief.”

And that is the journey that lies ahead.

Picture Credit: Kathy Joyce Glascott’s private collection