Forties Music

I was brought up on rock and roll—Bill Haley and the Comets, Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, Roy Orbison and later, the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. It was the music I choose as the background throughout my life from my pre-teens and into my adulthood.

Lately, thanks to Sirius radio, I’ve discovered the Forties radio station. And now I’m head-over-heels in love with it.

I’m sure some of the songs are etched in my memory from when I was very young. They are the songs my Mom loved and sang along with on the radio in her lovely alto voice. Mom listened to the crooners: Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, Rosemary Clooney, the Andrews Sisters, and the Dorsey Brothers. She even gave me a Sinatra LP as birthday gift when I was in my twenties.

There’s something about great songs with words that make sense sung by people with melodious voices. I love the witty lyrics in many of the songs, too. And it’s really cool to hear legendary singers like Edith Piaf, Billie Holiday, or Marlene Dietrich sing their hits. I am even getting to be pretty good at imitating Dietrich’s accent and voice quality—she had a smoky, “whiskey” voice—I’m sure for the times, it was quite exotic.

When I listen to this music, I am transported to a simpler time and place. I can imagine my Mom, a beautiful young woman, swooning over these artists and romantically dancing with a special someone to it. The music and lyrics are timeless, and lose nothing in the interpretation by modern artists like Diana Krall, Paul McCartney, and even Rod Stewart who have recorded them.

This music soothes me, and it’s fun to sing along with Bing Crosby as he sings “Mairzy Doats”—one of the many novelty songs of that era. Forties music is different from listening to “smooth jazz” or show music. The songs need no context to make sense—they’re about love lost and found and relationships and about life. It’s no surprise that younger artists like Michael Buble’ and Harry Connick Jr. love this music and have made careers promoting it.

 

I love this music, too. And when I feel that I need an escape from the turmoil that surrounds me, I reach for the tiny Sirius remote and tune in the Forties radio station and let the iconic music whisk me away.

 

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The Kindness of Strangers

“I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.”

Tennessee Williams, American playwright

 

Kindness. Being kind. Qualities that I value in other people.

Maybe I’m unusually lucky, but I have many kind and understanding people in my life: husband, daughter and daughter-in –law, sisters, brothers, nieces and nephews. I have a loving family and many caring friends. I know that not everyone can claim that—in fact I have firsthand experience with a less-than-kind sister-in-law. And her behavior toward me frequently brought me to tears and made me question myself. But thankfully, she was an exception.

So when my husband and I began his battle for survival against the monster called cancer five years ago, we were sustained and lifted up by many kind acts by a myriad of friends and family. After several years of relatively good health, my husband faces another cancer battle—one that is a Pyrrhic victory at best. Yes, the cancer is gone—he survived the surgery, but cancer has devastated his body to such an extent, that his very survival is in question.

For the last five months, we have tried to bring him back to health. The results are uncertain. He may survive, but there is a question of how long and what kind of a life he will have.

As part of that battle, he has spent the last month in either a hospital or Hospice. And that’s when I, too, depended on the kindness of strangers.

When he was in the hospital, I lived away from home, alone in a hotel near the H. Lee Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa.

The hotel staff greeted me by name every day. The waitress and restaurant manger remembered that I like iced tea. They asked how my husband was and promised to pray for him. The restaurant manager, Sylvia, chatted with me every morning, offering her moral support. The front desk staff treated me to a lovely cheese and fruit plate one afternoon which was delivered to my up-graded room.

They became my support system and their many kindnesses helped to sustain me every day that I stayed there.

The doctors, nurses and nurses’ aides at the hospital comforted and informed both my husband and me at our bleakest moments. They were gentle and nurturing in their care of my husband. The social worker was an unending source of information and support.

Family members of other patients reached out to me when I sat in a darkened room weeping. One patient hugged me—her body as frail as my husband’s, her thinning hair covered with a bandana. Her sister looked for me every day and we chatted about the burdens we were both carrying. The hospital chaplain saw me and opened the door to allow me to talk about my fears.

When Dan was moved to Hospice House, we were surrounded by the love and nurturing of more strangers, the nurses and staff of Hospice House, who soon became our support system. Their compassionate care and gentle support will never be forgotten.

The presence of these strangers helped me and my husband cope with some of the darkest moments of our lives.

They were all perfect strangers in every sense of the word.

 

 

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Hotels

 

I’ve always loved staying at hotels—especially more upscale ones like the hotels we vacationed at when our daughter was little. Our favorite vacation place was Disney World and we made a point of choosing one of their hotels because they were so wonderfully decorated. As you may know, Disney specializes in meticulously replicating furnishing, staff costuming and décor to carry out a theme. The effect can be quite dazzling.

Now, I prefer a hotel that caters to business travelers—they are generally understated and quieter. And because they aren’t trying to capture the family market, there rarely are noisy neon game rooms, over-priced cartoon character breakfasts or children’s program—all of which pleases me.

My hotel of choice is Hilton Garden Inn—a business hotel that I frequent when we travel to Tampa for my husband’s cancer treatment. They give us a discounted price and a safe, secure place to stay—even if I am alone in the room.

There are many hotels in the area—and so is Bush Gardens—a family vacation destination. So it would be possible to stay in a nearby hotel and be over-run by hyper-excited children—or worse, the school field trip!  I have experienced both of these unhappy phenomena is other hotels in the area.  Imagine my delight when I discovered the lovely Hilton Garden Inn!

Except a strange thing happened last weekend. Starting on Friday morning the place began to fill up with—you guessed it—families! Now, I like children and cherish my family. However, there is something about the vacation mentality that makes some parents forget that their children are much more delightful when they are being watched. I worried that my adult, business-oriented haven was becoming (gulp) a family hotel….What could I do?

Well, thankfully, the surge ended just as quickly as it began.  By Monday, the business suits arrived once again and the families went home with sun burn and souvenirs.  And, I hope, happy memories of a fun family vacation.

The weekend is approaching and I will be leaving—just in time. I saw the first group of families arrive today. Everyone was excitedly looking over the Bush Gardens maps and making plans for the next day.

Thankfully, Monday is coming. Soon.

 

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Coping

We all have to cope with everyday irritants like traffic, weather, fickle friends, money issues and the general messiness of life. But sometimes, we are faced with monumental problems like serious illness, death and loss.
There are many ways people cope. We’ve all heard of (or indulged in) comfort foods like meatloaf and mashed potatoes, chips and dip, ice cream sundaes or a margarita. Even though we know those foods don’t really heal a broken heart or assuage worry; they may provide a temporary vacation from whatever has placed us in anxiety’s icy grip.
Seeking out friends to talk about whatever is worrying us is another way to cope, as is seeking professional counseling or a support group. The comfort of other people who have dealt with similar problems is a healthy outlet for many. Then there’s exercise. Working out can make you stronger and the feel-good high at the end of a work out is up lifting.
I am sure there are literally hundreds of ways people cope with stress—everything from illegal drugs, to prescription “mother’s little helpers” to food to sex to friends and so on.
For me, a great coping mechanism is watching sit-coms. I am a sit-com junkie. Just check my TiVo if you don’t believe me. I tape all the Wednesday night comedies (Suburgatory, Modern Family, the Middle) and have been a fan of the Thursday night line –up since the days of Cheers. The Office has entertained me for years. I also have a few select half hour shows I enjoy and tape: Sand Masters, Rudy Maxa’s World and my newest obsession, The Big Bang Theory. The Big Bang Theory is escapist TV at its best for me—four nerds and a cute girl, good dialogue and actors with terrific comedic skills—what’s not to love? When I feel like I can’t cope for one more minute, a jolt of The Big Bang Theory or any of the other  shows I so loving tape, soothes me—nothing is expected of me except to sit there and watch and laugh. Good stuff—almost as good as chocolate ( or sex, the other chocolate)!
And isn’t it wonderful to watch a world where problems are little and can be solved in less than 30 minutes—unlike real life with all its messiness and stress?
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Hope

Hope is the thing with feathers —
That perches in the soul —
And sings the tune without the words —
And never stops — at all

By Emily Dickenson

 

Be positive. You have to think positive. That advice is offered by well-meaning friends when someone faces a life-threatening illness or tragic situation. The “positive person” is held up as an ideal when someone is battling cancer. He or she is advised to be positive, think positive, and to speak in positive terms. What does that actually mean? A person facing possible death or at the very least a brutal and exhausting treatment plan, should only talk about how they plan to beat “this thing?” Why? So the people around them don’t have to offer comfort or solace when it’s needed? So the people around then don’t have to face their own mortality?

That advice is bogus. It robs people of their ability to share their fears and grief and denies the validity of their feelings. It forces the victim into the role of comforter and supporter.

We are in a battle for survival right now. My husband of almost 40 years has been diagnosed for the second time in 5 years with cancer. He is struggling to recover from surgery and to face his “new normal” which includes 24 hour a day oxygen therapy, debilitated physical condition and yes, an uncertain survival.

The only way I see us making it—surviving—is to cling to hope. Hope that he will eventually heal, hope that the surgery was ultimately a “cure” (if that’s even possible), and hope that the cancer will not reappear.

Hope sustains me when I wake in the morning and think about the rest of our day—filled with the trials that this disease has brought into our lives.

Without hope, all is lost.

 

 

 

 

 

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Funny

It’s funny about the word funny. We use it in so many non-humorous ways that it almost has lost its meaning.

If something is funny, shouldn’t we laugh or at least giggle at it?

For instance, funny can be used to mean strange or curious. “Isn’t it funny to see a tight rope walker above the alligator pit at the zoo?”

It can also express disappointment, “Funny, I wasn’t invited to my best friend’s wedding to George Clooney.”

Funny can indicate something that annoys us. Example: “I don’t think it’s funny when you mash your food on the table, honey.”

It can mean strange. ”That outfit sure is funny. Who would wear a red plaid shirt and purple striped pants to his wedding?”

And it even can be used to insult someone’s looks. “She has the funniest nose.”

Wouldn’t it be great if we started to use the word funny only when something made us at least chuckle, or roll around on the floor laughing like a hyena? But think of the difficulties in expressing some of the aforementioned observations and opinions.

“For God’s sake, does that tight rope walker have mush for brains?” seems somehow harsher.

Or, in the case of the missed invitation mentioned above: “What a louse you were for not inviting me to your wedding to George Clooney. What, are you afraid of a little competition? Better watch your back,” seems hostile and unfriendly.

And I would think that, “Honey, if you mash your food on the table again, I’ll break both of your arms,” could really damage a child’s psyche.

Communicating disdain for another person’s clothing choices would be less than tactful. “Who dressed you—a blind monkey? You’re wearing plaids and stripes— again! Don’t sit anywhere near me and whatever you do, don’t talk to me.”

And of course, insulting would take on an even nastier tone: “If I was born with a honker like that, I would have demanded plastic surgery as soon as I could talk!”

Isn’t it strange  that while the idea of precise language is appealing, the reality is often less than desirable.  Life is funny that way.

 

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Living Each Day

For many of us, a night out entails spending a sizable sum of money on such amenities as tickets, dinner, and possibly new clothes. Even a movie night can be expensive—tickets and popcorn can set you back close to $40!

But what if we looked at the whole idea of entertainment differently? My brother and his wife have perfected  seizing the moment and enjoying things that other people might ignore.

For instance, not too long ago they were driving along the waterfront in Buffalo and saw a lake boat being towed out to the open waters of Lake Erie by a tug boat. Ho-hum, you say? Well, not to them. They stopped and watched the whole maneuver and reveled in the excitement of seeing something new to them.

Another time, they went on an overnight to a hotel using a Groupon coupon. They enjoyed a half price meal at a nice restaurant and then walked around Niagara Falls, appreciating the scenery. To top their evening off, they went and played Skee-ball. While there was a basic cost to the weekend, of course, they used money-saving coupons and then enjoyed inexpensive or free entertainment.

My hubby and I love sit on the beach and bask in the warmth of the sun while listening to the soothing serenade of waves on the shore.  Other than the cost of the gas to get to the beach, this is an almost free day—our state parks don’t charge admission and we bring our own cold drinks, chairs, and umbrella. By the time we leave the beach, we are relaxed and rejuvenated. So much cheaper than a spa or a weekend at a fancy hotel!

Another favorite thing we like is to drive around and enjoy the lights and decorations during the Christmas season. We live near Disney World, and one of our favorite traditions is to visit the hotels during the holidays. The lobbies are decked out in an array of Christmas decorations, including gingerbread houses. The best thing about this is that there is no cost to it.

Another favorite, when we lived in Buffalo, was to take a ride away from the city to enjoy the spectacular fall colors on the many trees that lined virtually every road.

There were roads I loved driving over—especially ones that went through one of the historic Olmstead parks that encircle the city of Buffalo. Each of those roads provided a visual treat at every turn and bend.

Everywhere you look, there are opportunities to savor the moment—to do something that is entertaining and either low or no cost.

So live each day to its fullest—you may discover a way to have fun and revitalize yourself just by seizing an opportunity.

 

 

 

 

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Thank God for TV

I doubt that the early pioneers who invented TV had any idea what an impact it would have. Children would be exposed to educational programs like Sesame Street; adults would partake of everything from wrestling matches to world class concerts. And we would learn how to cook, remodel our homes and decorate like Martha. The world would become familiar with “celebrities” like Snookie and Kim.

Most importantly, people recovering from surgery or an injury would have a way of filling the hours as they recover. Think about it, when you’re in the hospital or laid up at home, what do you do to entertain yourself? TV. And why not? It brings you a world of entertainment and keeps your mind, if not stimulated, certainly busy. What fun it is to discover programs you never would have watched before! You may even find a program that becomes your new “must see”—one that you want to watch every day. Or you can take a nostalgia trip and view programs you loved when you were a kid—“I Love Lucy” or “Bonanza”, for instance.

It’s even possible that you might start to look forward to being ill or injured so you can spend hours in front of a glowing TV screen, flipping through the channels until you find the perfect program.

I wonder what people did in times past to amuse themselves when they were too ill or in too much pain to actually give a damn? Maybe other people read to them as they wasted away—and for those who had to work to put food on the table—they probably went to work no matter what.

Personally, I am happy that we have the option of watching TV until cross-eyed when we are ill. First, what lulls you to sleep sooner than a boring TV program? And think about your significant other—he or she can leave you ensconced on the sofa or recliner with tissues, cough medicine, a cold drink, a phone and a sandwich in the fridge knowing that the TV will keep you company. How much easier it is to go to work, or out to lunch knowing that the TV is there “taking care” of the person who is ill.

Yes. We are lucky to have TV in our lives—to help us heal and to keep us company when we are ill. Thank God for TV!

 

 

 

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I Get By With a Lotta Help …

Have you ever felt like you were born under a malevolent star? That’s how my life has felt lately. Between health crises, worries and concerns, it has been a year to remember and not in a good way. To frost the devil’s cake, I fell about a week ago and bashed my already arthritic knee, fractured a rib, and attempted to open a door with my cheekbone resulting in a black eye. I am not relating this to elicit sympathy—rather to make a point.

So, here I am, laid up and in serious pain, unable to do much. My husband is recovering from surgery. And there’s just the two of us—and the dog, who also needs attention and to be walked.

All of this reminds me of how lucky we are to have friends and family who care about us. People have brought us delicious dinners, and offered to do whatever we need. One couple, long term friends, drove and hour and a half to visit and took my hubby out for pizza (I hurt too much to go).

Another friend sat with my hubby while I went to the hospital to get checked out, and made him dinner. Then she drove to the hospital in the middle of the night to pick me up from the ER.

And our families have been a tremendous support—my sister-in law- Connie, is here for a couple of weeks to help out. (That is me singing the Hallelujah chorus you hear!) Our daughter was able to get away from work at a crucial time and was here to help out. And my hubby’s brother will arrive the day Connie leaves.

So even though this has been a terrible, trying time—we have much to be grateful for— one another, our daughter, our families and our friends. It’s hard enough to face the sometimes bumpy road ahead—but thank God, we don’t travel this journey alone.

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Water, Water Everywhere


In our modern world, living in an industrialized country, we have water at our fingertips. It flows freely into our bathtubs, from our showerheads, through our garden hoses, spouts out of sprinklers, and fills our kitchen sinks…until it doesn’t.

The faucet on our kitchen sink broke recently. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I called a handyman neighbor who very nicely came over and diagnosed the problem. He then told me that the manufacturer of the faucet would replace the broken part free of charge. So I called the faucet company and sure enough, they agreed to send a replacement part  as soon as possible—promising that it would arrive in a few days.

Meanwhile, my daughter (who was visiting us)  jerry-rigged the faucet with  pliers. It worked for a few days—we were able to turn the water on and off with little effort. Then a little piece broke off the metal thing-a -ma-bob that we attached the pliers to. And now I had a kitchen faucet that was no longer functional–and my daughter had gone home. Not a big problem—right?

Except it was—every time I went to rinse my hands while cooking, rinse glop off a plate, wash coffee down the sink, or wash a pot, I had no water. I lugged water from the near-by bathroom—and as, you know, water is heavy. So then I started to use paper towels to wipe off plates and a wet towel to wipe my hands. While this may not seem like a big deal, as the days passed, it became more and more inconvenient. I began to think about the pioneers and how hard it must have been to lug water in buckets from a stream. I thought about people who camp, and choose to do dishes this inconvenient way. Mostly, I longed for the day my faucet would again be functional.

The necessary piece came in the mail as promised. I called the handyman and he was able to come and fix the faucet—it took about 15 minutes.

So, now I joyfully turn my newly functional faucet on, reveling in the freely flowing water. And feel very grateful that I live in this century not earlier times when a kitchen faucet was unheard of and water was lugged by the bucket.

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