We were not a “dog family”—we never had a pet dog-except for a short-lived Irish Setter when I was a toddler. I don’t remember that dog’s name. My only memory of him was that he was rambunctious and would knock me down and rip off the sashes on my dresses. I literally don’t remember any of my extended family members having a dog, either. In fact, I was wary of dogs, even though I was never bitten or really threatened by one.

So, I grew up dog-less home and environment.

When I married my husband we lived with my father-in-law. There was a dog in the house. Originally “Rusty” was Dan’s late mother’s pet. My father-in-law doted on the Pomeranian dog that ruled the roost. Rusty was spoiled as most dogs are, I think. And he had a nasty streak—he would nip at people who would do kind things like offer him food or bring him in during a rain storm.

When my daughter was born, Rusty was jealous of her. One day, when she was about nine months old, the dog nipped her tiny hand when she reached out to him. I was enraged and went after the dog, threatening to kill him. He escaped. But I never trusted him again, nor did I like him.

My husband constantly campaigned to get a dog when we moved to our own home. I’m allergic to dogs, so that was always my excuse to not have a pet dog. And I was, quite honestly, afraid of dogs. I know now that when they sense your fear, they sometimes react by growling. But back then, I was just afraid.

 My father-in-law had a few dogs over the years—and most of them were well behaved and I was fine with them. Eventually, I learned to not fear dogs by being around them.

Fast forward quite a few years. Dan and I retired to an “active adult” community in Florida. Then my husband was diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer. He waged a brave battle against it, and miraculously, he recovered, even though there is a high mortality rate with this cancer. We went to H. Lee Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa for treatment where there were therapy dogs every Tuesday. When Dan held those dogs, he was transported. His joy was palpable and it was clear to me that a dog would help him to recover and overcome his depression. Fortunately, friends of ours acquired two dogs that were a Yorkie-Poodle mix. They were cute and even more importantly, my allergies seemed to be fine after we spent time with the dogs. ( Poodles are hypo-allergenic.) Serendipitously, the breeder had another female dog available.

That dog became our sweet little puppy, Sparkle. She was instrumental in Dan’s recovery from his cancer. They would go our several times a day for very long walks—sometimes an hour or more. Dan always said that she decided where they would walk! He became more engaged with life as a result of having Sparkle in his life.

Three weeks ago, I bid a heart-breaking goodbye to Sparkle. She lived to be almost 17 years old—which made her a centenarian in “dog years.” She outlived my husband by almost 11 years.  Over the last few months, her health started to deteriorate. Sparkle had a sebaceous cyst on her side which was benign—until it became infected and began to bleed. Nothing I did—including giving her antibiotics and changing the dressing stopped the bleeding. Worse, her right back paw had a tumor and an open wound. When I tried to change the dressing, she bit me—something she had never done before. Then more tumors popped up all over her body, and her right front leg swelled up to three times its normal size. She wasn’t able to walk easily, and slept almost all the time.

I knew it was time. I made an appointment (the fourth one in a month) to see the Vet. I kept hoping that there was a magic cure—but that was not to be. Together with my friend Susan, Sparkle’s other “Mommy,” I held her, petted her, and kissed her in between my sobs so she would know that she was loved. She gave me a little “puppy kiss” on my arm. Then she gently went to sleep forever.

There are so many lovely little stories I’d like to share about Sparkle. I think the most incredible thing to me is how she enriched my life. I never realized the sheer fun and joy a dog can bring into a household. I miss her presence in the house and her little quirks.

I remember BD ( Before Dog) I would wonder why people got so upset over losing a dog. After all, it’s just an animal. It’s not like a child dying. No, it isn’t. But it has its own level of pain. It shocks me sometimes to realize how much I am grieving my sweet, loving Sparkle. I know I could get another dog—but there are very practical reasons why I won’t.

 But I am grateful and feel blessed that I was a “Dog Mommy” to Sparkle.

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