We left Buffalo, hoping to trade her harsh winters for the never –ending summer of Florida, almost 15 years ago. The day that we packed the last of the plants, books and CD player in our grey van and headed south to settle into our home in Central Florida signaled a seminal change in our lives.
We left behind a lifetime of friendships, memories, and family. I thought that I knew the implications of that decision back then. Now, I’m not so sure.
So much has happened since then. A whole generation of my family has passed away. Nieces and nephews have grown up, married, had children and even divorced. Our daughter earned her doctorate, got her first teaching position and was married. While we have retained ties with a few special friends, many of our friends have moved on. The teachers I worked with in the Buffalo Public Schools have seen extreme changes in education, and I am sure that the vast majority have retired.
We have elected two Presidents and fought two wars. The nation lived through 9-11 and even observed the tenth anniversary of that event.
Dan and I have re-invented ourselves to a certain degree. We both eventually retired after working in Florida. I’ve become adept using various computer programs to create presentations and newsletters for clubs that I belong to and I have launched a writing career. I learned to play Canasta and have dabbled in the arts. My husband’s prowess at Canasta is well known, he is friends with a number of dog walkers and he has survived cancer. We both have a rich social life and our group of friends has expanded to include people from places other than Buffalo. We’ve traveled a little. And I have even escorted a few cruises for the Travel Club. I, too, survived a very serious medical emergency two years ago.
While we were living our new lives here in the land of always summer, our families back in Buffalo have continued to live their lives. I know that we still intersect and that we will always be family. But now, we are the out-of-towners—the relatives who come to visit. We hear about the joys, struggles and challenges of our family by phone calls and emails. And we are too far away to actually do anything—to take the sickly uncle to the doctor, to go to the baby’s christening or even to attend a funeral. These familial duties fall to others.
Many times, I’ve thought of just getting in the car and driving back for family events, and then reality sets in. The time, expense and sheer effort of such a drive are daunting. So, with the assurances of family members, we stay here and keep tabs as best we can, always wishing there was some way to bridge that distance—and knowing that there isn’t.
And eagerly awaiting the visit, the phone call, the email, or the Face Book post that connects us to the family we left behind when we moved away.
Kathy, I share your feelings. Many times I could just get in the car and go back to our kids we left behind in St. Louis. Yet at the same time we absolutely love our lives here. And our problem is that we have left pieces of our lives all over the country, from Maine to California to Missouri, to Boston, back to St. Louis, and here in Florida. They say that when one door closes another one opens, and while I do not feel that all the past doors are completely closed, I still look forward to what may yet come. I believe things happen for a reason, and I can find a reason to have been everywhere that we have been and cherish the treasures I have found in each place, eg, a lifelong friend in Riverside, a best friend and many “adopted baby sisters” in St. Louis, and the list could go on…I try to live each day by my Carpe Diem philosphy.
How true your story is to so many of us. How we wish we could just get in the car or hop on a plane and go to family events. We must, however, live with the memories of past and give way to those of present as we make friends, our new family.
Melanie
Beautifully stated, Melanie.
I wish for a time”like” machine that would allow me to spend Sunday afternoon with my sister and her family – being away from family is the hardest trade I think we made but I know I can not go back to ice and snow so we do our best
I know what you mean about the ice and snow–it would be great to be able to drop in on a Sunday afternoon.
Ah yes, I keep hoping the rest of my family will follow us here!
I wish friends would also, but there’s less hope there. Fortunately,
I’ve made many good friends here that I hope I’ll never have to leave.
And I agree, the snow is beautiful and not missed at all!!
As one of your friends, I hope you will be here a long time , too. You are fortunate to have 3 of your kids nearby.
I want Star Trek technology. It would be great if I could just step in and tell the transporter to beam me up to wherever I wanted to be.
That wqould be great! You could be in the other place when you needed to be without the fuss.