I’ve decided that I need to try to focus on the blessings in my life as a counter balance to the losses and problems that I’ve encountered over the last few years.  What woke me up was the reaction of friends to a post I placed on Face Book a few days ago. I don’t want people to feel that they have to constantly lift my spirits up—I think that I have to take some responsibility for that myself.

Yes, I am in mourning over the loss of my husband and brother. I’ve had a few medical problems.  But in reality there is much happiness and joy in my life.

I have a wonderful and loving family who care about me. My  talented and beautiful daughter is a mature and accomplished  woman.  I have great friends, people I mean something to. I live in a beautiful place with everything from restaurants to clubs to shows to a state-of-the-art fitness center. It really is a retiree’s dream comes true.  I belong to a great women’s writing group and am active in several clubs. There is Widows’ group and a Singles group—both of which have helped me to re-invent my life.

The day I posted on Face Book that I missed my husband, a terrific thing also happened.  I am the president of a club. Our planned speaker couldn’t make it, so I devised a Trivia game that was a big hit. Everyone enjoyed it, and there was a feeling of fun and camaraderie as a result of the game.

I felt really good about that and went home smiling. So when I went to post on Face Book, why didn’t I mention that? I realized later that I missed being able to share my accomplishment with Dan—but that didn’t diminish the success of the evening. After I wrote that post and read the comments that followed, I realized that I had portrayed myself as a victim, not as a functioning person who is healing.

I think it is in my best interest to try to be a little more positive.

I know that Dan would want me to enjoy my life—he loved his life and I need to honor that by living my life the best way I can.

Ultimately it’s about the balance between challenges and the positive aspects of life.